Step 1: Be Attractive
First of all, you need to be attractive. Because celebrities can have their pick of anyone they want, if you look like the back of a bus, unfortunately, you're not going to get a look in. But, if you're not hideously ugly, and you know to make the most of what you've got, you might just be in with a chance.
Step 2: Read Up On Celeb Gossip
Whether you have a specific celebrity in mind - Matthew McConaughey, Brad Pitt (don't we all!) - or if you're not all that bothered who you hook up with, you need to be up to speed on who's doing what and where. Read all the celebrity magazines to find out who's single, and who's not - and if you're ever to stand a chance of seducing them, you need to know where your celebrity crush hangs out.
Step 3: Target Celebrity Haunts
Once you know where the celebrities hang out, it's time to get yourself in on the action. Turn up at film premieres, book signings and gigs. Party at well-known celebrity haunts like The Ivy, Embassy or The Met Bar, and you will find an abundance of celebrities in just the state you want them - pissed up and on the pull. This method of seduction is particularly effective if you're looking to shag a celebrity footballer. And the good news is, with their beer goggles on you don't even need to be a looker.
Step 4: Be A Celebrity's Assistant
We've all heard the stories about celebrities sleeping with their staff. This is the perfect way to get close to them, and an added bonus is that you'll get to live the jet setting celebrity lifestyle. And you know what they say about the mouse when the cat is away.....
Step 5: Become a Backing Singer
Many a celebrity pop star has copped off with their backing singers or dancers in the past - some have even married (and then divorced) them. Being a backing dancer should keep you in great shape too, which they are sure to appreciate when they're writhing against you on (and off) stage.
Step 6: Work in Film or TV
Working in film or TV is a sure fire way to meet loads of celebrities. While the famous object of your affection is having a break in between scenes, sipping their latte, is the time to swoop in and make them yours.
Step 7: Appear on a Reality Show
If all else fails, become a reality show contestant. With your new found "fame", you'll get to go to all the showbiz parties where you'll meet a range of celebrities on whom you can work your charm.